Let’s get ripped! And also cherish women.
Recently a bot (or a link-commenter-for-hire) left a comment on this site linking to an e-book by a popular “manblogger.” I deleted it.
“Manblogs” typically include:
- tips on steroid use
- workout tips
- diet tips
- tips on how to pick up women
- tips on how to be aggressive, macho, and a “winner”
10% of “manblog” content is useful, good advice for becoming an empowered, healthy, confident man. 80% is entertaining nonsense.
But the last 10% is hatred, and that’s why I deleted the link. I don’t tolerate links to sexist (or racist) content on this site (unless it’s for educational purposes).
Some of these manblogs rail against feminism as if it were an evil scourge corrupting the world. They worry about the “feminization” of culture and “girlymen.”
Now it may be true that modern life leaves most men testosterone-deficient. But if that’s true, the culprit isn’t feminism. It’s bisphenol-A, low protein diets, fructose, alcoholism, vitamin A & D deficiency, and porn addiction.
If you’re a young man who has stumbled across this site because you’re looking for health or diet tips, then welcome. While you’re here, let me tell you something about feminism to counterbalance the bullshit you might read elsewhere on the internet.
Feminism is a simple concept. Feminists advocate for equal rights and privileges for women. That’s it. Women have historically been oppressed (not being able to vote, for example), and feminists want to reverse the legacy of that historical oppression.
Men and women aren’t the same, but they mostly want the same things. Like men, women want to be happy, healthy, attractive, to have money in the bank, to be engaged with life, to have a stimulating career, to have loving relationships, to have a rich family life, to make the world a better place, and to enjoy hedonistic pleasures (delicious food, great sex, etc.).
Sure, there are some differences, both biological and neurological. But we’re part of the same species. Don’t overcomplicate things.
If you want to be a manly-man, that’s good! Lift heavy weights. Build something. Be confident. Decide what you want to do and make it happen. Feed your body well and make it strong. And don’t give your power away, to anyone.
But don’t hate women or resent them. Cherish them. Cherish your girlfriend or your wife (or the girl you want to date). Cherish your mother and your grandmothers. Cherish your daughters, if you have them. Cherish your female friends (it is possible to have an intellectual or emotional connection even when the physical vibe isn’t there).
Just trust me on this. Life is so much better when you cherish women, and accept them into your life with open arms. Women don’t want to steal your freedom, they want you to be strong and confident and powerful (and yes, also honest and true — but don’t you want the same?).
Women are not the enemy. They are the best source of joy in life.
Audrey Kalman
What an awesome post. I forwarded my 16-year-old son a link to your blog a few days ago (relating to the post about goals and motivations) but I have no idea if he checked it out. I hope he does!
As a post-feminist feminist, I’ve always wrestled with the more militant aspects of feminism. I understand why some women would be angry enough to put down men–sort of the female equivalent of the man-blogger–but it never felt right to me, perhaps because I was the beneficiary of the anger of women of an earlier generation. And as a woman who doesn’t connect with many of the external trappings of femininity as our society defines it, I also prefer to look at my fellow human beings as human beings first, gendered beings second.
J.D. Moyer
Glad you enjoyed the post. I guess there must be some man-hating “womyn-blogs” out there too, but honestly I have never met one of these mythical “angry feminists.”
On second thought I guess I have, but only about three decades after they mellowed out (my parents’ generation). Those were different times. The new “lean in” feminism (if that’s even what it is) doesn’t seem to have anything against men.
Em
It is mythical:
http://witchwind.wordpress.com/2013/12/15/piv-is-always-rape-ok/
J.D. Moyer
Wow!
johnoliversimon
Cherish your granddaughters, too!
J.D. Moyer
Yes! I hope to some day.
Noel
Awesome post, thanks for the truth and a few laughs JD!
Noel
J.D. Moyer
Hey Noel! Looks like you started a new blog — I will check it out. Happy New Year!
Noel
Happy New Year to you as well! Yeah, it’s a little side project sharing info with people on how to be location independent (going remote with their existing job or business). Your Workation posts were a huge inspiration! 🙂
saraji10
Thank you!
Linda F
Wonderful post…. glad there are men like you in the world! (btw- my husband believes it is possible to love someone more everyday- he cherishes our time together) There is hope ! Happy New Year! I enjoy your POV blog posts!
anon
Some of us like your blog and love women, but this post doesn’t quite correspond to reality. Feminism is not a “simple concept”, there’s different waves of feminism, with different agendas and tactics. The latest wave of internet feminism borrows significantly from the cultural studies workbook, and relies on unsavory tactics in order to dominate the conversation. It’s uncontroversial to make a blog post like yours, but any discussion of feminism that’s not done on feminism’s own terms is vilified. Sentences are deconstructed, intentions are put into question. Women who are critical of minor aspects of feminism have to write extensive disclaimers where they point out that they are women. Men who are critical of feminism are vilified because they are men and not on the substance of the argument itself. It’s a toxic environment, and “manblogs” are an obvious, if crude and uncalibrated reaction.
J.D. Moyer
Sure … I see where you’re coming from. But some of the blogs I’ve seen are not only against feminism, but take the perspective that women are from another planet, or that women should only be housewives and not work. Really backwards stuff. So that’s what I’m railing against. I’m fine with the criticism and discussion of feminism as long as there is a basic agreement that women should have equal rights and privileges. But point taken — some varieties of feminism go far beyond that basic premise.
Rose
What a kind entry! Thank you, JD.
genderneutrallanguage
“Feminists advocate for equal rights and privileges for women.”
And this is why I call feminism sexist bigotry. Real equality is not limited to rights and privileges. Real equality is equality in rights, responsibilities, privileges, costs, benefits and obligations. Feminism by your own words is for equality, but only when it benefits women.
J.D. Moyer
I think most feminists would be fine with your definition. Women on average have greater economic responsibility and obligations as well as greater childcare responsibilities. The “stay-at-home mom” is a vanishingly small, upper-middle-class lifestyle (at least in the U.S.). Most moms have to work. So equal responsibilities, costs, and obligations would be an improved situation for most women.
But you’re absolutely right that I should have included those elements in my definition. Thanks for pointing that out (and I’m not being sarcastic).
Hollis Pickett
Genderneutrallanguage: I believe, if you look around, you’ll see that at this point in history women have diminished rights, serious responsibilities, fewer privileges, equal or greater costs, fewer benefits and many serious obligations. When balance has been achieved (if ever), we will no longer need either the word feminism or the concept of feminism. If and when equality is achieved, everyone will benefit – not just the women.
genderneutrallanguage
Even assuming that you are correct, “Equal rights and privileges” still doesn’t come close to addressing the problems. We need equal rights responsibilities, privileges, obligations, costs and benefits. I will not debate if men or women carry too heavy a burden of responsibilities, obligations, and costs. My point is that we can’t even begin to talk about equality with out these factors on the table.
Hollis Pickett
If we had “equal rights and privileges” right now, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. Without equal rights and privileges, some of those factors won’t even make it onto the table…………..that’s the problem.
genderneutrallanguage
Somewhere between most and all “rights and privileges” are not unearned benefits but compensation for costs and tools to fulfill obligations. If we are to talk rights with out responsibilities, then we are talking unearned benefits. If we are to talk privileges without obligations, then we are talking unearned benefits. It needs to all be on the table or we are talking about supporting gender dominance, not gender equality.
Ariane
Reblogged this on SPIRITWRITER and commented:
Lovely piece from JD, mostly directed to his fellow manly mankind.
J.D. Moyer
Thank you Ariane!
female not feminist
While being pro-women is cool, I think you haven’t spent much time talking to “modern” feminists. I’m a woman who is pro-abortion and pro-women’s rights but I hate “feminism”. The only reason these “misogynist” man blogs exist is because there is legitimate backlash against feminists because they are so hateful and bitchy online (generally). I have spent time talking to MRAs and they don’t hate women so much as they hate being pidgeonholed and baited by feminists.
Also, last time I checked, men are allowed to have their own opinions. It’s just oppressive b.s. that says that men MUST kowtow to “feminists” or they are misogynists. Maybe they are just conservative, or maybe they really don’t like women,but that is their right. Whatever the case, people can think what they want. I may not like what some men have to say online, but feminism demands ideological purity or they have a shit fit and have to call people names and that is what makes feminism as oppressive as the so-called “misogyny” they are against.
If you criticize online feminists in any way, they generally go on the attack by spewing illogical and “snarky” bullshit. It doesn’t matter whether you are male or female. I have seen them act like snarling dogs when other women don’t bow down and kiss their asses. Just go hang out on feministe feministing or jezebel for a bit and you will see what I mean. Sorry, internet feminism is bullshit and defending it just makes you look like a dupe.
J.D. Moyer
Thanks for your comment. You are correct that I don’t spend much time interacting with people on feminism forums (none, in fact). I base my view of feminism on real-life interactions and conversations with women in my life. I don’t pretend to understand or represent what feminism means for everyone, and I appreciate your differing perspective.
This post in particular is directed at young men who may not have enough context and life experience to be able to distinguish the pursuit of manliness from disdain for women. Choose love, choose mutual respect. I hope the message gets through.
pvblivs
“Feminism is a simple concept. Feminists advocate for equal rights and privileges for women. That’s it.”
You don’t need to mouth (or type) the words. You need to convince me. I have often heard feminists complain that most CEOs are men. I have never heard one say a peep about the fact that most (all?) roadworkers are men. You name a dangerous occupation with no prestige, you will find that it’s almost exclusively male. I am quite convinced that feminism has nothing to do with equality.
J.D. Moyer
Hello pvblivs! If my post didn’t convince you, I doubt I can convince you of anything with a quick comment — so I’ll just say hello.
I’ve never been threatened by feminism … but obviously some people are. Maybe you can help me understand what the risk/threat is. Is it that women will take over society? Or that men will not get their fair share of the rewards that life has to offer?
pvblivs
I think that feminism is a female supremacist movement. Feminists want all the benefits of society to go to women only, while all the actual work is done by men. Feminists want women to have the job title, the prestige, the glory, anything like that — but not the responsibility, the effort, the long hours. Feminists want entitlements that men have to toil, sweat, and pay for. But they want those men kept out of sight so that they can congratulate themselves on being such self-sufficient women.
In short, I think feminists want to reduce men to serfs, that they don’t see men as human.
J.D. Moyer
Any actual danger of this happening? Do you think there are any existing societies or communities that are actually female supremacist?
I’m having trouble thinking of any actual examples where women are systematically oppressing men (outside of science fiction).
pvblivs
Pieces already exist. No-fault divorce allows a woman who is “bored” to take everything her husband has worked for, plus the lion’s share of future earnings. Most women don’t take advantage of that. But most women aren’t feminists.There are women-only gyms, hotel floors, rail cars, and the like. Any similar men-only spaces are prohibited. Most violence is against men. But apparently our government decided that only violence against women was a problem. There are battered husbands. But if they dare to try to get help, they are told they are the perpetrators. And forget about shelters for them.
Yes, I think there is a danger of it happening. It depends on how much control feminism gets over the government.
J.D. Moyer
Seems to me that no-fault divorces protect both genders, and I find it hard to get worked up about women-only gyms. Violence against men is a serious topic, but I think most feminists and most women support the protection of battered spouses of both genders.
Big picture — I guess I can’t entirely rule out the chance of male serfdom/female supremacist society. Or alien invasion for that matter. Or pillage and plunder by time-traveling Vikings. Unlikely, but not impossible!
Thank you for sharing your perspective. All politely expressed views welcome here, even if they are very different than my own.
J.D. Moyer
Aziz Ansari sums it up.
http://youtu.be/Sz7ZzQbSiGA