sci-fi author, beatmaker

Category: Mental Health Page 1 of 8

How I Maintain Motivation (and dopamine levels)

I have the GG (val/val) variant in SNP rs4680, which corresponds with high COMT enzyme activity. COMT breaks down dopamine in the part of the brain related to higher cognitive and executive function. People with my COMT genetic variant tend to have a hard time sustaining attention and motivation in low-stakes situations. We tend to do a little better when the stakes are a bit higher and intense, like hand-to-hand combat or downhill racing.

I did well in school, but paying attention during lectures was always difficult. My mind would constantly wander. By my third year in college I’d come up with systems (mainly active note-taking/idea synthesis during class) that allowed me to excel. But the first fifteen years of school were a struggle in terms of paying attention and retaining information, even if it didn’t look that way from the outside.

After I graduated, I soon learned that most jobs were pure torture for me. Sustaining my attention for eight hours a day was too difficult and too boring. I decided early on that a 40+ hour workweek would ruin me. I needed to find an alternative. I settled on computer programming because I could do it part time, at my own pace, on my own schedule. I could then use the rest of my time to make beats, write fiction, play games, spend time with friend and family, or just let my mind wander.

Obviously my personality isn’t the result of a single genetic variant. But I’ve learned that maintaining a high level of motivation and attention for long periods of time requires a few “tricks”. Since ~40% of the global population has the same rs4680 COMT variant, maybe you find yourself in the same boat.

  • Goal-setting. Mostly self-explanatory. I go back and forth on exact goal-setting methods, but currently I’m liking three month horizons for my main goals, with monthly sub-goals. The key to using goals is to enjoy the process, and not hang your happiness hat on completing the goal or not. Set an ambitious but doable goal that can be achieved with concrete consistent actions. Allow yourself to be happy while pursuing the goal. If you achieve it, pat yourself on the back, give yourself a treat, then set another goal. If you don’t, analyze the game and iterate your strategy.
  • Supplements. Lithium orotate up to 5mg daily to balance neurotransmitter health and stave off depression and anxiety. Fish oil for brain cell membrane permeability. Tyrosine up to 500mg/day for a direct dopamine boost. Collagen and other sources of glycine to support deep sleep and brain recovery.
  • Clean(ish) living. Too much alcohol, sugar, and refined carbs blunts motivation. Exercise amps it up. You don’t have to be a monk.
  • Death-framing. What’s important if I hold the reality of my own mortality in mind? Will I regret not getting those extra billable hours? More likely I’ll regret never attempting a particular writing or music project, or not visiting a friend, or not doing something fun with my family.

That’s about it. Hope that helps you, rs4680 G/G or whatever kind of mutant you are!

Empowering Action vs. Depression

Recently I read Steve Pavlina’s post “What It’s Like Being Me”. Steve really enjoys being himself, it seems, and part of my reaction was a slow clap — good for you, you smug vegan, your life is so great. But on the other hand, I really like Steve and his writing has benefited me immensely over the years. He’s worked hard to develop systems to improve his life systems and states of consciousness, and I don’t actually begrudge him his positive mental state and enjoyment of life. Good for him (no sarcasm).

Steve’s take on depression did make me wonder if he understands the condition as a disease. He appears to regard depression as a poor life choice, writing that he is repulsed by depression, and that he simply chooses to not be depressed himself. I don’t want to take his words out of context, so here’s a direct quote from the post:

Remembering to Be Emotionally Non-Reactive (Electric Hot Tub Emergency)

Not our house, not our hot tub.

My wife and daughter really wanted a hot tub. Eventually they convinced me. And with all the money we’ve saved by not traveling or eating out during the pandemic, we could afford it.

There were two dozen things that needed to happen in the back yard before we could put in the hot tub. An old trellis needed removing. Some post holes needed to be filled with concrete. A fence needed repairing.

Eventually we completed all these tasks as a family. The hot tub arrived. Our electrician installed it.

And it didn’t work. It turned on but it didn’t heat up. Instead of a hot tub we just had a tub.

Mental Health Plan for Wildfires-Pandemic-Trumpocalypse

Here in Oakland, more people live on the streets than ever, many of them mentally ill. California is on fire. Our president is a narcissist criminal huckster leveraging his office for profit and destroying the best of our institutions and the environment before he goes down in flames himself. Covid-19 is on track to kill at least a million people worldwide, 20% of those deaths in the U.S.

The world is a dumpster fire.

And yet I feel pretty good.

Over the past few years I’ve developed my mental health plan into a smoothly functioning, robust, anti-fragile system that buoys my mood and protects me from the worst symptoms of depression and anxiety. Of course I’m still vulnerable to the stress of unexpected and negative events, but I’ve learned a lot from weathering a few chronic health conditions, illness and death in the family, job insecurity, parenting difficulties, and all the bullshit mentioned in the first paragraph.

Here’s my current plan, for what it’s worth. Maybe it will help you develop your own system to address your crushing anxiety, dread, and depression.

Kindness and Free Will in an Uncaring Universe

Leia, looking toward the future, or possibly at a squirrel. (picture by my daughter on her iPad)

One doesn’t have to look far to find overwhelming evidence that the universe is an uncaring place, and that life doesn’t play fair. Good people die young for no good reason, animals in the wild are painfully eaten alive by their predators, and entire civilizations are beset by war, famine, and plague. Mercy and fairness are entirely human constructs, and those that would ascribe such qualities to a creator or god must undergo mental gymnastics of the highest order to stave off crippling cognitive dissonance.

Sometimes this nihilistic realization gets me down. There is no inherent meaning in life, so I must create my own meaning (or live a subjectively meaningless life). The world is filled with suffering that I can do very little to prevent (including, at times, my own).

At other times, I feel incredibly optimistic and empowered, even in the face of my own nihilistic worldview. The values and attitudes that create this feeling of empowerment (not all the time, but sometimes) include:

  • Kindness. Kindness is not an emergent property of the physical, chemical, biological, or somatic levels of reality (see NENT), and thus phenomena at those levels (such as earthquakes, floods, asteroid impacts, supervolcanoes, illness, aging, etc.) can appear unkind/uncaring to human beings. But kindness is emergent at social levels and above, and is hugely abundant among those reality levels. I can choose to be kind to my fellow humans and animals, and to accept kindness from a multitude of sources. This is an excellent antidote to the apparent uncaring/cruel nature of structurally lower levels of reality.
  • Free will. Most of the world operates outside of our personal control and influence. Even our own personal decisions are highly governed by instinct, reactions, and deeply ingrained habits. But still, we have the ability to make decisions, to change our own behaviors, and to influence others. I feel happier and more powerful when I try to expand my free will and make more conscious decisions, even in the face of the knowledge that I will always have more responsibilities in life than I have control (as is true for everyone who makes serious commitments to other people, organizations, and/or ideals).

That’s my mini-sermon for today. Hope you’re doing well. Live long and prosper!

My next post will be a personal update dedicated to my Patreon supporters.

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