I just returned from the 2018 Nebula Conference in Pittsburgh. It was my first writing con of any kind, and going in I was nervous. When I signed up (and reserved my hotel, and purchased my flight) I knew literally zero people who would be attending the con. Some I followed on Twitter (and some of those even followed me), but in terms of people I’d actually met in person–none. I was that unconnected with the sci-fi/fantasy writing community. And I knew that was something I needed to fix.

In the process of signing up for panels, I finally recognized someone I knew–Jane Pinckard, a professor of game design and Clarion 2017 graduate. We used to play D&D together! I reached out and we reconnected, resulting in my not feeling so terrifyingly alone attending the conference.

It’s not that I don’t know how to meet people or work a room–I co-hosted a happy hour dance music event for fifteen years, and learned how to talk to anyone about almost anything, and find common ground, and not only make them feel comfortable but also feel comfortable in my own skin, even when speaking to someone completely dissimilar. Generally I have good social skills, only minor social anxiety, and a pretty good grip on the basics of potentially-professional conversations (how to ask appropriate questions and draw someone out, how to look for win-win exchanges in any interaction, how to gracefully exit a conversation without being rude, etc.). But still I was nervous.

In any case, I needn’t have worried. I’ve never met a more welcoming group of people. And a good portion of the attendees were in the same pot as me–their first or second con, not very well connected–and very eager to meet other writers.

The organizers of the Nebula Conference, in particular, make a huge effort to make attendees feel comfortable and included. There’s an explicit anti-harassment policy, which I appreciated (I’m not a big hugger, and nobody hugged me without first asking for permission). And there’s a mentor-mentee program that connects new convention goers to more experienced attendees (my mentor was Lawrence Schoen, prolific author, multi-Nebula-nominee, and founder of the Klingon Language Institute). But mostly there’s just a good vibe, and if you’re a reasonably well-behaved human being, it’s likely you’ll thrive at the Nebula Conference.

So, having attended my first con, here’s my advice for new con-goers. It’s mostly directed toward myself at my next few writing conferences, but I’m writing it all down now while its fresh in my mind. Maybe it will help someone else too.

A) Have a Broad Agenda

I think it’s good to go to a con with some idea of why you’re going and what you want to accomplish. Attending a convention, especially when it involves air travel and booking a hotel, is a non-trivial cost. My goals were broad: meet as many other writers, editors, agents, and other industry professionals as possible, have a good time, and learn the ropes.

I’m glad I chose this approach, as opposed to something super specific (like “get an agent”). I felt that being laser focussed on one thing would have increased my stress levels, and reduced my chances of having serendipitous moments.

B) Have a Self Care Plan

Coming off some recent sleep troubles, and knowing that I’m vulnerable to both overstimulation and social burnout, I knew I needed a strategy and some tactics to manage my emotions and energy levels. Booking a room in the reserved hotel block (where the convention physically occurred) helped–I could retreat to my room for a short break without missing too much action (panels, socializing, etc.). I found these quiet breaks to be essential for recharging and calming down.

I also brought earplugs, amber glasses, a sleep mask, and magnesium taurate, all to help me sleep more deeply.

I do wish I’d been slightly stricter in terms of my diet and alcohol intake. There was an abundance of free booze and free desserts, and I partook of both. Next time!

C) Take Notes

There was a lot to learn–not only information and insights from the panels, but various writing techniques and resources picked up in random conversations. I used one mega-note in Evernote to track it all. There’s no way I could have kept it all in my head.

D) Bring Business Cards

I didn’t have cards, and I regret it. For my next con I’ll print up some simple cards with my email, website, and Twitter handle.

E) Leave Space In Your Luggage for Books

Each attendee was presented with a large bag of books and other schwag. Each bag was slightly different, and there was a book swap table for exchanging books. I managed to cram what I wanted to keep into my carry-on luggage, just barely, but next time I’ll leave more room.

F) Don’t Hesitate To Politely Introduce Yourself To People You Want to Meet

Cold self-introductions are awkward and hard–there’s no way around it–but as long as you choose an appropriate moment (not during another conversation, not when the person is obviously in a hurry or not wanting to be approached) then most people will probably be amenable to a brief exchange, or possibly a longer one. Obviously you don’t want to corner anyone or creepily stalk people, but there’s nothing wrong with being socially assertive in a polite respectful way.

G) Befriend Random People

Though I’m more introverted than extroverted, I’ve had some experience introducing myself to strangers, and I made a point on the first day to talk to a number of people who I guessed were in a position similar to my own–at their first con and not well connected socially. Somehow this resulted in a “core group” that all of us could rely on for some mooring and friendship while still venturing out to meet new people.

H) Don’t Oversell or Undersell Your Work and Agenda

I had dozens, if not hundreds, of short conversations over the course of the conference. There were many opportunities to talk about my published short fiction, my forthcoming novel, and my reasons for attending the conference (see above). People were genuinely curious.

But I waited for the questions, and if they didn’t come, I didn’t start babbling about my work. Listening–especially to science fiction plots–requires mental energy, and at times people just get overloaded. Besides, sharing the details of one’s work can happen online, as a follow-up to meeting someone, if the mutual interest is there. Conferences present an opportunity to meet in person and get a feel for someone’s personality, interests, and world view, which to me is more important.

I hope that list helps. It will definitely help me at my next conference, WorldCon 76 in San Jose. If you’re going, please let me know in the comments or on Twitter.

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