How It Feels to be a Novelist

With the pending release of my second novel this week (The Guardian comes out Sep. 26th on Flame Tree Press), my emotions are in turmoil. I’ll just go through them, as a way of clearing my head, and maybe my emotional laundry list will offer insight to those of you also on the writing path, or entertain those of you who enjoy knowing how the sausage is made.

• Legitimacy. With two novels, one novelette, and six short stories published (and another novel in second draft form, ready to shop), I no longer feel awkward telling people “I write science fiction” if they ask what I do. I’m enjoying this lessening of imposter syndrome!
• Fear/anxiety. Will people show up to my reading next week? Will readers enjoy this book? Will it get enough reviews, and will those reviews be good? Will it sell enough copies so that I get to continue the series?
• Gratitude. Working with Don D’Auria (my editor at Flame Tree) and the many people in London who have worked on proofing, artwork, producing, distributing, and marketing this book, I’m struck by their level of care and attention to detail. Go team! I’m happy to be working with you, and I don’t take any of you for granted for an instant.
• A sense of financial realism. Overall I’m doing just fine financially, due to multiple income streams (my tech consulting, music royalties, investment dividends, writing income, etc.). It would be nice to make a living solely as a novelist, but in assessing those odds, they’re better than the chances of making a living as a poet, juggler, or youtuber, but not as good as the odds as making ends meet with almost any salaried position. Then again, many of the writers who have influenced me most deeply have pulled it off, so there’s that (it’s not impossible).
• Limitless possibility. I’m starting a new novel, and I’m so early in the process that I have that “no constraints” feeling. Ideas are flowing and I’ve yet to write myself into any corners. I know it will get harder later on in the process, but the fun part is really fun.
• I chose this/shaping own fate. While none of us fully control our own lives, I do think it’s possible to pick a course, stick with it, and make steady progress. If you read my past posts about writing (as far back as 2009), you can witness the whole journey with all its ups and downs (and no doubt there will be more of both). From the outside it might look like relentlessness, or even a grind. But from my POV, I made a decision to go for it and just ask myself “what’s next” everyday? If I find myself not enjoying some part of the process, I ease up and reallocate my energy. Life is too short to grind (except for necessary bursts); it’s better to simply know where you’re going, and to keep moving at a pace you enjoy.
• Unimportant. There are so many novels published every year. It’s possible my entire body of work will get lost in the tsunamis of words that flood readers every season.
• Potentially important. I try to write plausible science fiction, and plausible science fiction influences influential people. The topics I write about (radical fluctuations in human population, possibilities and potentials of genetic engineering/intentional biology, large scale space habitats, etc.) will affect all of us this century. Maybe my stories will make a difference (hopefully in a positive/constructive way).
• Privileged. Worth saying — my life circumstances give me more time to write than most. I can make a living working twenty hours a week, I have health insurance (though I pay through the nose for it), a roof over my head, the significant advantages of being a white male (though in genre fiction the industry is becoming more balanced — women writers have won more Nebula and Hugo awards in recent years), and many other ways in which I’ve been lucky. While many people overcome adversity and succeed, we can safely dispose of the idea that adversity (poverty, illness, desperation, addiction, etc.) is a prerequisite to creativity (the starving artist myth).
• Lucky. I’m lucky to be privileged, but I’m lucky on top of that. I sold my first novel to the first publisher I sent it to. The woman I fell in love with and married loves reading science fiction, including much of what I write (she gets the first drafts). Growing up, I had access to great public and school libraries, staffed by librarians who cared and often guided my reading. I’ve had some great mentors via SFWA. At the last convention I attended, the agent I wanted to meet most of all walked up to me, introduced himself, and handed me his business card.

If you’d like to read some early reviews of The Guardian, check out its Goodreads page (and follow me as an author if you’d like to keep track of my new releases).