J.D. Moyer

sci-fi author, beatmaker

Month: April 2022

Play Yourself as a PC

By

On April 27

In Creative Work/Career, Metaprogramming

Sometimes I catch myself living my life as an NPC (non-player character). Doing the same thing, day in and day out. Making safe but boring choices. Focusing too much on distractions that don’t really matter, and not enough on areas that can provide real leverage. Not being the main character on a major quest, but instead farting around with insignificant side quests and fetch tasks.

I like my life much better when I play the game of life as a PC (player character). When I play role-playing games, I don’t take the life of my character too seriously. I try to make interesting choices. When my character faces a problem, I have them try to solve it quickly and creatively. While I usually don’t play recklessly (I want my character to survive), I don’t worry too much if I’m making the “right” decision for my character. A multitude of possible choices can result in fruitful outcomes. There is no single right choice for any given situation.

I first wrote about this topic back in 2010 (here and here). Since then, this approach to life has provided the perspective and mental freedom to take on ambitious projects and changes, including:

  • Working my ass off to become a published science fiction author
  • When my consulting work started drying up, retooling my tech skills to become super employable as a freelancer
  • Moving to San Francisco (a project that included remodeling our house to rent it out) for my daughter’s education and to change things up for our whole family
  • Learning how to produce music in new genres

In hindsight, these paths and choices seem easy, almost as if they were inevitable. But before committing to each of the choices above, I faced an enormous amount of doubt and insecurity. Was it worth it, in each case, to invest the time, energy, and money to pursue the new direction, with no guarantee of success?

Zooming out and considering the possible outcomes of each choice, not as myself, but as a neutral observer examining my life, provided clarity in each case.

We usually know what other people need to do to improve their lives. But making big, good choices for ourselves is much harder. The key is to make the choice as if we were someone else. The “PC” method is just one window into that headspace.

How do you know if you’re playing as a PC, instead of an NPC?

  • You control your own life. You don’t let anyone else make decisions for you.
  • You’re focused on one or more major quests that align with your values.
  • You make creative, fun decisions that result in interesting experiences, with the possibility of great rewards.
  • You greatly value your party members (family and closest friends). You share your bounty and joys with them, and would do anything to protect them.
  • You are willing to take reasonable risks for great rewards, and don’t worry too much about losses or setbacks. There’s always another dungeon to raid.
  • You 100% realize that your life is finite, that you could die at any moment. So you make the most of it, and don’t take anything too seriously.

These days I’m laying the groundwork for my next adventures. I’ve been fairly quiet lately because I don’t have any new books, stories, or music releases to promote. But that’s not the point, is it? For over ten years I’ve shared my creative journey, every step of the adventure, including my hopes and dreams, failures and false starts, victories and successes.

I should continue to do the same, even if I make a fool out of myself.

Who Am I Trying to Impress?

By

On April 3

In Metaprogramming

In my twenties and thirties I remember being very motivated by wanting to impress and/or outdo other people. I’ll show them, I thought to myself. I would achieve this or that, at which point those people would be forced to acknowledge they were wrong about me in one way or another.

Spite is decent motivation. The best revenge is a life well lived. For those that have wronged or disrespected you, nothing is sweeter than succeeding and rubbing it in their faces.

Except that this way of thinking is also ridiculous, immature, and ultimately hollow.

I started to realize this at some point, and made a list of the specific people I’d been working so hard to impress. Making the list was a kind of dredging of my subconscious, bringing that spite-ambition into the light of my conscious mind.

But once I completed the list, I laughed out loud at myself, at my own pettiness and the fragility of my ego. The power those people had over me was instantly diminished.

Russell was one of my first bosses. As a teenager, I worked for Russell as a cook and cashier at his food booths at various festivals and fairs. One time when we were driving to a site he asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. I told him I wanted to be a science fiction author, but was also interested in making electronic music. In addition, I wanted to share my philosophical and spiritual ideas with as many people as possible. I must have sounded all over the place, painfully idealistic and hopeful. I don’t think he laughed at me exactly, more like a dismissive chuckle. But I held it against him for a long time. I did eventually become a science fiction author. I’ve published hundreds of electronic music tracks. And I write this blog about metaprogramming and other topics. Does Russell know or care? I highly doubt it.

M was a college girlfriend. We both wanted to be writers. At one point I think we even made a bet about who would be published first. We broke up and didn’t speak for years. But eventually we became friends again. She’s a professional writer, working with business clients, and has published both memoir and nonfiction. She’s been nothing but supportive of my writing, and vice versa. All the competition dissolved decades ago. But some of it had still been lurking in my subconscious, from our college days when we both had a lot to prove.

At UC Davis I worked at a pizza parlor with a kid named Josh. He made hip-hop mix tapes on his four track. I was just getting into music myself, making bad synth music with my MacPlus and Roland D-70. Josh and I were both DJs at KDVS, the local college station. Eventually my music improved and I signed a house track to a San Francisco music label. I was really proud of myself. But Josh’s music career completely blew up. Josh Davis, aka DJ Shadow, went on to become a superstar. I was happy for him, but also envious. I always wanted to impress him, since we had similar beginnings.

There are a few other people on the list. Some of them I wanted to impress for reasons that are too embarrassing to publicly confess. But making that list helped exorcise some of those toxic emotions. Ultimately I realized that the people I care most about are already sufficiently impressed by me. And the others, like Russell and DJ Shadow, don’t think about me at all. And I’m okay with that.

Who’s on your spite-motivation list, and why?

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