J.D. Moyer

sci-fi author, beatmaker

Category: Metaprogramming Page 1 of 29

Why Do We Try Hard Things?

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On October 6

In Metaprogramming

A few weeks ago Kia dropped a huge self-knowledge bomb on my head. Well-meaning, of course. And totally off-the-cuff. But her comment made me understand something profound about myself. And that realization has significantly changed my self-image.

I was complaining about how something I was trying to do was difficult (as I often do). Kia pointed out that almost everything I try to do is difficult. Writing fiction and getting it published, producing music and selling it online, writing good software. None of these things are easy.

Crowded markets, intense competition, middling rewards–these are the hallmarks of the things I choose to do.

Even the things I do for recreation are challenging: improving my chess ELO, collecting every item in Elden Ring, collecting every shiny in Pokemon GO, painting tiny miniatures with very small brushes.

Everything I try to do is…really hard.

Maybe you’re the same way. We push ourselves in different ways. Some people run marathons or lift really heavy weights. I prefer “grindy” challenges where I try over and over again until I get slightly better at what I’m doing, or just get really lucky.

It’s not hard to understand why I enjoy taking on difficult tasks. The struggle and effort are mentally stimulating, and succeeding and/or winning feels good. If the challenge were less, so would be the intrinsic rewards.

But I didn’t fully realize that this was my way. Now, when I felt frustrated with a string of losses or a huge expenditure of effort with little immediate result, I can step back and remind myself “I chose to live this way” (and maybe dial it back a bit, or take a break).

I can be ambitious without feeling trapped by that ambition.

10K Hours is B.S.

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On August 27

In Metaprogramming

As I get a bit older, and the number of activities I have spent ten thousand or more hours practicing increases, I’ve come to the realization that just doing the thing is not enough to get really good. Malcom Gladwell’s observation that the world’s best in every category have accumulated at least ten thousand of practice in their field is just that–an observation. Ten thousand hours of practice may correlate with elite mastery, but it doesn’t cause elite mastery. You need more.

Like many of Gladwell’s big ideas, this one has been refuted many times. The most recent research shows that hours of practice are only loosely associated with mastery. Those with natural talent (and/or good teachers and/or a good study plan) progress much faster that those who focus solely on grinding out the practice hours.

I have at least two natural talents, and I have practiced both very little. One is thinking in abstract data models. From the moment I was exposed to databases, I “got” them. I managed to turn this talent into a part-time career that pays most of my bills. I still had to put in the hours learning to code, but the mental models always came easily.

My other natural talent is that people believe me, without question, based on the sound of my voice. It’s weird. I’ve never practiced it at all. It drives my wife crazy, especially when I happen to be wrong.

In other life areas I’d like very much to be good, but I’m only mediocre. Like chess. I watch chess videos, solve puzzles, play many games, but struggle to break 1000 ELO on chess.com. I’m still in the top 20% of players on the site, but I’ll never be elite. Still, I’m really proud of the progress I’ve made. It’s sweeter because it’s hard earned.

For me, I’ve decided that it’s worth it to try to get better in areas that interest me, even if I’m not naturally talented. It’s exciting to make progress, to devise a study plan and follow it. And access to knowledge, lessons, and expertise has never been easier, thanks to the internet and YouTube. Thanks, Youtubers who take the time to teach others. You rock!

How to More Easily Use Your Own Power

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On May 8

In Metaprogramming

Sometime in my forties I realized that all major choices could be boiled down to two paths:

  1. Empowering action (research/planning/implementation)
  2. Passive paralysis (inaction, worry, pathological perfectionism, denial, etc.)

And yet all too often, I still catch myself taking the second, objectively worse path. Why? Because empowering action requires the expenditure of energy, mental focus, and the risk of failure or poor returns. So I look for “outs” that will exempt me from difficult actions and effortful tasks. These might look like:

“That’s out of my control or influence.”

“I don’t know how to do that.”

“That’s way too hard.”

Success or improvement in every aspect of life is achievable, and there are multitudes of people who have already achieved success in those areas who will happily share the exact steps they took, often for free. But it’s often disappointing to hear their “answers” because an accurate depiction of how they achieved success invariably includes specialized knowledge, many hours of focused work, and/or difficult behavioral or attitudinal shifts.

So how do we get past those mental barriers and expand our personal power?

For me, the answer is twofold:

1. I accept that what I want may well be within my reach, but not immediately and not without effort. I reject modes of thinking that lead to passivity and living with low standards.

2. I build motivation and focus by letting go of some wants and desires that aren’t consistent with my core values, and double down on what’s really important to me (relationships with family and friends, mental and physical health, artistic work and integrity, making a good living and co-providing for my family, saving democracy, the habitability of our planet, etc.).

That’s my thought for the day.

Posts in the pipeline:

  • some pictures of our new house
  • a fiction reading May 19th near a lesser-known bridge
  • taurine!

Take Your Wins

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On April 29

In Metaprogramming

Often when something good happens to me, I just take it in stride. I don’t want to get too excited about any particular success because fortune rises and falls. Everything that goes up must come down. And even if the general trend in any particular area is up/good/optimistic, I often find myself anticipating or worrying about the inevitable declines and losses.

Recently I decided this is completely wrong-headed.

Kia, who recently lost both her mother and uncle (and her father a few years earlier) helped me change my mind. She, too, had been focusing too much on loss, especially witnessing end-of-life declines in health, wealth, and mental clarity. But gradually, over the course of many conversations, we both changed how we were looking at things.

In the end, we all lose. There is no winning at life. You can die well loved, rich, with many achievements, and even with most of your marbles intact. But you still die. There’s no getting out of this game alive.

You can live a “good life”, contributing to the world, caring for your family, making lots of money, having adventures, living by whatever values you hold. But in the end we’re all still dead, unable to appreciate any nice words people might say about us after we’re gone (and of course it can go the other way too).

With this in mind, I no longer take my wins in stride. I celebrate them because there is no winning in general, there are only individual victories and positive moments.

Of course some wins are bigger than others. Graduating from college is a bigger deal than completing a single assignment. But I am no longer interested in deferring my sense of joy when something goes right. Just because something will inevitably go wrong tomorrow or the next day, just because there’s always a bigger hill to climb, doesn’t invalidate that something good or great just happened and deserves a moment of appreciation.

So take your wins, big and small, in every life area. Acknowledge them and feel good about them. They’re all we got.

How I Maintain Motivation (and dopamine levels)

By

On October 10

In Health/Body-hacking, Mental Health, Metaprogramming

I have the GG (val/val) variant in SNP rs4680, which corresponds with high COMT enzyme activity. COMT breaks down dopamine in the part of the brain related to higher cognitive and executive function. People with my COMT genetic variant tend to have a hard time sustaining attention and motivation in low-stakes situations. We tend to do a little better when the stakes are a bit higher and intense, like hand-to-hand combat or downhill racing.

I did well in school, but paying attention during lectures was always difficult. My mind would constantly wander. By my third year in college I’d come up with systems (mainly active note-taking/idea synthesis during class) that allowed me to excel. But the first fifteen years of school were a struggle in terms of paying attention and retaining information, even if it didn’t look that way from the outside.

After I graduated, I soon learned that most jobs were pure torture for me. Sustaining my attention for eight hours a day was too difficult and too boring. I decided early on that a 40+ hour workweek would ruin me. I needed to find an alternative. I settled on computer programming because I could do it part time, at my own pace, on my own schedule. I could then use the rest of my time to make beats, write fiction, play games, spend time with friend and family, or just let my mind wander.

Obviously my personality isn’t the result of a single genetic variant. But I’ve learned that maintaining a high level of motivation and attention for long periods of time requires a few “tricks”. Since ~40% of the global population has the same rs4680 COMT variant, maybe you find yourself in the same boat.

  • Goal-setting. Mostly self-explanatory. I go back and forth on exact goal-setting methods, but currently I’m liking three month horizons for my main goals, with monthly sub-goals. The key to using goals is to enjoy the process, and not hang your happiness hat on completing the goal or not. Set an ambitious but doable goal that can be achieved with concrete consistent actions. Allow yourself to be happy while pursuing the goal. If you achieve it, pat yourself on the back, give yourself a treat, then set another goal. If you don’t, analyze the game and iterate your strategy.
  • Supplements. Lithium orotate up to 5mg daily to balance neurotransmitter health and stave off depression and anxiety. Fish oil for brain cell membrane permeability. Tyrosine up to 500mg/day for a direct dopamine boost. Collagen and other sources of glycine to support deep sleep and brain recovery.
  • Clean(ish) living. Too much alcohol, sugar, and refined carbs blunts motivation. Exercise amps it up. You don’t have to be a monk.
  • Death-framing. What’s important if I hold the reality of my own mortality in mind? Will I regret not getting those extra billable hours? More likely I’ll regret never attempting a particular writing or music project, or not visiting a friend, or not doing something fun with my family.

That’s about it. Hope that helps you, rs4680 G/G or whatever kind of mutant you are!

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